STRANGER

“Hello”

“Hi”, he wasn’t sure he wanted to reply. I could tell.

“Don’t worry for the next 3 minutes; I will try to talk to you because I don’t know you. And if I have to harass you, please understand!”

He looked at me like I was nuts.

“Oh yes! I’m nuts. I’d like to ambush you for your shoes because I must say they look nice”

He looked at his shoes; covered in dust and cutting at the heel. He tried taking a step away.

“If you run, I’d follow you and scream to the world that I love you. And don’t worry, I’m not flirting with you because I’m married”, I quickly lifted my right hand and showed him the huge twisted cocktail ring that nestled around my middle finger

“But-”

“Doesn’t matter either way. We were talking about the shoes. They really are a classy pair. Are they designer?”

“Yahoo?!” Thankfully, he played along

“They’re into shoes now? That’s amazing!”

“You have no idea! And I think they’ve got something on baby food too”

“That’s great but I think I’ll stick to these pair of shoes in front of me. I’d like to steal them and mail them to my ex-boyfriend”

“Huh?!”

“Long story. But I never got to give him a good bye gift. He got me a dead rose”

“I’m sorry”

“Oh don’t be. At least he was careful enough to make sure all the dried petals were intact before giving it to me. He told me his love for me had dried out”

“And what did you do with it?”

“Guess”

“You threw it away?”

“Now, that's not nice, is it?! I did better. I laced it with an itchy powder, sprayed it with silver paint, then sent it back to him”

“Awww” He laughed

Matt- Erik Olsen

“But the shoes, I’m sue he can use them. And I’ll send a note saying ‘walk your way back to me, to hell’”

He laughed some more

“We’re in the third minute now. It’s been an ironic pleasure talking to you”

“Pleasure listening”

“The name is Weilder. Just in case you hear of my name in the future or if I become famous for something good or bad, you can honestly say I’m not a lunatic”

“Honestly, I think you are”

I grabbed his hands and shook them firmly. A smile spread across my face. “I thought you’d lie!”